Post by Jim on Apr 8, 2008 18:59:15 GMT -5
>Subject: THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
>
>
>
>
>LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!
>
>1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
>
>2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.
>
>3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER HOW SLOW
>YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF
>THE WAY.
>
>4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO
>YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-81 GOES NORTH
>AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.
>
>5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
>PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.
>
>6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING
>FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.
>
>7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING
>IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT
>UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.
>
>8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER
>'CATCH IN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE
>CORNER BAIT SHOP.
>
>9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS
>HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.
>
>10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.
>
>11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR YOU
>CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.
>
>12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES
>FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE
>AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT
>STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!
>
>13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
>OVER ICE.
>
>14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO
>SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.
>
>15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE EAGLES
>AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.
>
>16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
>SPOOKS THE FISH.
>
>17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY
>COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A
>LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME
>FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
>
>18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND
>MARINES. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.
>
>19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T
>MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR
>BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.
>
>20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD-IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE
>IN IT, AND DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE
>GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE
>DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE
>NEXT DAY.
>
>A TRUE PENNSYLVANIAN WILL SEND THIS ON!!!!!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!
>
>1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
>
>2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.
>
>3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER HOW SLOW
>YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF
>THE WAY.
>
>4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO
>YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-81 GOES NORTH
>AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.
>
>5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
>PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.
>
>6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING
>FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.
>
>7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING
>IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT
>UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.
>
>8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER
>'CATCH IN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE
>CORNER BAIT SHOP.
>
>9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS
>HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.
>
>10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.
>
>11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR YOU
>CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.
>
>12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES
>FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE
>AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT
>STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!
>
>13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
>OVER ICE.
>
>14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO
>SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.
>
>15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE EAGLES
>AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.
>
>16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
>SPOOKS THE FISH.
>
>17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY
>COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A
>LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME
>FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
>
>18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND
>MARINES. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.
>
>19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T
>MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR
>BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.
>
>20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD-IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE
>IN IT, AND DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE
>GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE
>DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE
>NEXT DAY.
>
>A TRUE PENNSYLVANIAN WILL SEND THIS ON!!!!!!!
>